It’s hard to believe it’s been 20 years to the day that we held my mother’s funeral. I can truly say that I have no earthly idea where the time has flown. My days since that day have been filled with many joyful events, great occasions, exciting adventures, and some important lessons learned, despite my best efforts not to have to learn anything else, ha.
For those who knew how close my Mom and I were all of our lives, it stumped a few of my dear friends how I could be so seemingly calm and moving forward without grand remorse or grief or periods of depression that come so very naturally to anyone who sustains a loss. As those who knew my Mom would know, however, she had a plan for that time, and she devised a good one. It came with a great deal of thought, planning, and a laundry list a mile long of things I was to do instead of grieve. Mama always had a plan and that’s saying something when her daughter was built to challenge even the most patient and saintly among women.
My mother had the early life experience of losing someone she dearly loved to World War II. He had been her true kindred spirit, soulmate, and yet…he didn’t return from the war and her life made its first change in plans as she built a future without him. Years later she would meet and marry my dad, and for eight years that worked just fine. Eventually that went the way of past tense and she and I built a new life, one without regret, but not without hardship.
Through every obstacle, challenge, and hardship, never once did I hear her complain. She only showed me the power of prayer, over and over again. It wasn’t something overt and showy…it was silent and reverent and results-getting. I started following suit. Direct prayer and watching what happened afterwards was a lesson in itself. When I say things were tough, believe me, they were. Imagine the 1960s where women couldn’t have a credit card in their name, when it was next to impossible to get credit for a purchase, just layaway existed for those without ready cash.
How she managed to put me through Keystone on a secretary’s salary, I later calculated should have been impossible…but then you’d have to know Mama. So many sacrifices she made and never once did she announce or reveal them. My education meant the world to her as she never got to finish college. She had to help keep the family going during her young adult years as the country was indeed in the middle of war.
Her heart was amazing for her family—she would do anything for them even when they might not have ever thought of her as anything other than “the strong one.” Her example left me an amazing playbook to follow for my life. I often fail miserably but when I do it turns out I’ve turned inward for intelligence rather than seeking the wisdom of the Lord to move forward.
I’m catching on, some 20 years later. One of her favorite expressions was “You can’t outgive God,” although I swear to you she seemed to be able to do just that. She cared so much for everyone and she was insistent I be an active participant in her caregiving. Often, I was her appointed agent for do-gooding and believe me I wasn’t always a cheerful giver.
For example, the time where I was scrambling to get all her meds, foods, and supplies in for her so that I could be gone for a two-day consulting project out of state. I’d been near collapse finishing my checklist and then she announces to me that I needed to go and vacuum our next-door neighbor’s floor for her, because she wasn’t up to it and it would make her feel better (the neighbor).
My protestation that the lady had an adult son living there for whom she cooked three meals a day who could vacuum for her fell on deaf ears. I went over and vacuumed, to the appreciation of my neighbor, who reciprocated in kindness for years and years, traveling to see Mom when we moved away from next door, and calling her daily on the phone, another lifeline. Mama was right. Even after Mom died, the neighbor would call me to tell me that when they sang “Amazing Grace” in church that morning, she thought of Mom, was such a welcome gift.
I was frequently in shock as to where she thought I might come up with the free time that she thought up for me to do this or that. Still, she persisted, and I chose not to buck her. I trusted her and loved her is why. Plus she was charming and funny and witty and you couldn’t help but agree with her. Most of the time.
When Mom passed she had been able to live with me for all but the last three months of her life and the folks who cared for her at the nursing facility saw me three times a day/night/overnight. I knew all the shifts of those who cared for and about her and the staff were all precious. I had been able to prepare for Mom’s final days here with me, thanks to a big sister friend who had sitters for her parents, and I was able to secure the services of many of those same angels and they were amazing. It was not easy but we all created a happy and pleasant working environment with Mama being priority one. The sitters were family to us, not sitters and they filled the pews at church when she passed.
The choir was amazing, the choir director, also a deacon, gave a beautiful message, and over three pews were filled with the family members of my big sister friend, who’d gifted me with her family to share time with for 22 years. Longtime friends filled the other pews and I felt humbled and lucky to receive their support, kindness, and love. I never once felt alone. Time passed and the family I'd been able to share time with was growing, and relationships took different directions, and it became time for me to fly solo, but the love there remained unchanged.
In the past 12 years since, life has been nothing short of amazing. When you have been anchored in faith all of your life, and you’re admonished by your mother never to doubt in the power of God, everything else just seems to fall into place.
It has been anything but easy. I have numerous regrets but I don’t allow them time in my head. I note them and move on, lest I torque Mom off for wasting precious time on Earth. I was admonished to stay away from her gravesite as “I’m not there so don’t go out there thinking you are going to find me for a chat.” Instead, I was to think of her with flowers on my table and talk to the bouquet instead. Flowers continue to find their way to my table, courtesy of precious neighbors and friends who just seem to know when I need them.
Twenty years is the blink of an eye. In 20 more it will be 40 years since that time, and then what? I can’t wait to see what life will be like then, and even later beyond. I’d love to live to age 100 and see what technology has to offer us. iPhone 68 perhaps? We’ll see.
In the meantime, Memorial Day is on its way, and we remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country…we have celebrations in their honor and memory and we wear a buddy poppy, Mom’s favorite, in their memory.
To love someone truly means to be able to let go and give them back to Heaven when the time comes. It’s not in my time, or yours, but as my friend Marcia often reminds me, it’s in “God’s own perfect time” and it is always the right time.
One of the reasons I became a Life Celebrant and Tribute Writer is to help people tell their stories of what life was like while they were here. What and who was important to them and key in their lives in helping them to accomplish their goals and achieve their dreams. Hard work, dedication and devotion are all that are required. The rest is just a matter of prayer, and time. It’s not all that I do, not by a long shot, but it is one of the things that I do in the course of my life today. And it is an honor and a privilege.
Go call someone you love and tell them you were just thinking of them. It will bring a smile to you both. “Let go, and let God.” Mama said so.
P.S. Of the many gifts that Mom gave me, one was an oil painting of Cher that she did for me because she knew what Cher meant to me as I was a teenager growing up. It just so happens that today is also Cher's birthday, and she is currently celebrating her 79th birthday, with gusto no doubt. It's why I still love her. She defies age and defines life at its fullest. I adored calling Mom my "inhouse artist." You wouldn't believe what else she painted for me. That will be for another time and post.
For five generations, Callaway-Jones Funeral and Cremation Centers has existed as a family-owned business, starting in 1904 in Palestine, Texas, when Mr. C. H. (Homer) Callaway came into the picture. For 120 years the entity of Callaway-Jones has defined funeral excellence in Texas.
In mid-October 2024, Cody called a full team meeting. His announcement would change my future substantially, and not necessarily badly, but it meant a new way of thinking about what I do and how I do it. Ch-ch-ch-changes again. A new phase in the life of Callaway-Jones was in the offing.
On November 4, 2024, the transfer of ownership to Park Lawn Corporation was signed, sealed, and added to a substantial business entity that has carved out their own niche for operational excellence. Although the legendary business we all thought we once knew came to a screeching halt with the swooshing of pens across paper, the legacy is far from over.
Cody is not one given to emotion when he speaks. In his entire work life at the business, you can’t tell it from his outward persona. For all his work life at C-J, he’s gone above and beyond to serve his family and his family’s legacy. You don’t see through his carefully crafted armor of calm, reserve, and reassurance that we all expect of our funeral directors, but I have seen it.
He’s not perfect; he is exacting and demands more of himself than he does others. Cody has watched as some of his best friends in caskets were lowered into the ground. He stands there as strong as any Marine without shedding a tear, while inside, God only knows how he did it.
Rev. Doug Manning, whose Oklahoma-based family has pioneered the training of life celebrants describes the expectations of those among the grief-stricken as the calm that takes over once the funeral director arrives on the scene. “The funeral director is here. Everything is going to be alright.” It’s true. I experienced it when my mother died. Cody and an attendant arrived in formal suits and respectfully transferred Mom into their care from the nursing home. My best friend from high school was with me and sister friend from town was en route.
My neighbor and dear friend, our church’s children’s minister, had arrived, also in a suit, to pay his respects. Our church’s senior pastor arrived, eventually, in fishing shirt, cargo shorts, and tennis shoes to express his condolences. Another story for another time. As the kids say, “IYKYK”(If you know, you know).
I’d been part of the Callaway-Jones “family” since the late 1980s, although few people I have worked with for almost 9 years even know this. It never comes up and I’m not one given to mark turf. I was blessed going through chemistry graduate school with professors whose grown children were my age and who loved live music as much as I did.
On any given weekend night, you’d find at least 5 different professors’ kids and their spouses and dates out in local clubs where a good 60% of them were up on stage performing and the rest of us were the appreciative listening audiences. Or, one might be running for local elected office, and we’d all be together on a campaign effort. I was “one of them” and as the professors began to age, and I’d relocated back to BCS in 1990 after my career in the Gulf Coast Petrochemical Industry, we saw the aging and eventual passing of our loved ones as time passed as we all grew closer.
The Family Entrance
As circumstances called, I was honored when my adoptive siblings asked my help in writing the final tributes for the newspaper with them alongside or for them, because it’s always hard to get started with blank paper. I typed (on an IBM Selectric, remember those jewels?) and would drive to Callaway-Jones. I loved parking under that huge tree and strolling to the office, going in the family entrance.
From there, the obituaries would get to The Eagle. I remember when Cody arrived to intern with his grandfather, earned his funeral credentials, and assumed control in 2004 at age 24, same age his dad, Mike, was when he took over the business, and the same age that his grandfather, Raymond, had assumed control. There was a beauty in that age symmetry.
Cody’s dad, Mike, died after a valiant battle with cancer in 2004. Mike Jones had a lot of dreams and plans for Callaway-Jones, but Mr. Raymond was not given to change as quickly as he was to studying all sides of a decision thoroughly. When Cody and Chelsea married, they determined to create something special in what we would come to know as the funeral home we are in today on College Avenue (almost median free) across from Mid-Town Bryan and all the excitement of a promising future the location offers.
A Chance to Establish Their Own Identity
Cody and Chelsea immersed themselves in visiting other family-owned independent homes for a year, and decided what would work best. People just seeing it for the first time say they never had any idea a funeral home could feel so warm and welcoming, putting people at ease rather than inspiring discomfort. Lorene remained in the background and carefully watched the books as she had for years, but she provided both continuity and care for the perpetual expansion of the family business.
A New Opportunity to Serve My Community
Cody called me in 2015 and said he was opening a new facility and wanted to offer families a Certified Life Celebrant, who could tell the stories of their lifetime and serve either solo or with a ministerial colleague when families requested it. People from all walks of life come through the doors, and their needs and wishes range extensively from traditional to anything but traditional.
Timing could not have been more perfect. I’d been discontented with being in a volunteer service role in my (then) church for reasons that mattered at the time. I’d wanted to be of service to God, and it was a personal goal, just hadn’t figured out what that would look like (yet). When the call, the answer suddenly revealed itself. I was in.
Nine years later, I’m still here, sort of. Thanks to that call from Cody, I experienced the opportunity to work with some of the most amazing people I could ever have asked to be associated with in a family-owned business where I’m not really part of the family but was always treated as though I was, for as long as that could last. In reality, today I am just a vendor, an independent contractor, and I belong to myself.
A Life Celebrant Does What?
If you know me, you know the answer to that question, some more thoroughly than others. I don’t always get the question “What is it you do exactly?” but the fast answer is that when a loved one dies, it is the intent of that person and his or her family to create a service that reflects the best and happiest times of that person’s life, shares stories that bring laughs and tears, and allows people a chance to share the feelings of their hearts with those gathered.
We use music, readings, poems, personal testimonies, and in some cases, the specific words left behind to be shared that day with all who are present. We gather, relax, and enjoy Diet Coke or Dr. Pepper if that was the favorite drink of the loved one. I tell the story of their life, punctuated and accentuated with family and friends sharing their memories. It’s an honor to serve families in this way, and I have loved doing so all these years now, in addition to my other work in publishing, editing, writing, and marketing.
With pride I share that I was trained by the best—Glenda Stansbury of InSight Institute and her co-instructor, Ty Rose. Throughout the year, they train family-owned and corporate-owned individuals with this calling. I edit memoirs, compose memories, and tell the stories of people’s lives in writing. Beyond that, I work in video storytelling with Nicole Lamb of Water to Wine Productions, and we’ve created some amazing legacies that continue to bring comfort to those who want their stories preserved.
Written tributes range from memory booklets to full-page stories in The Eagle; sometimes a story simply must be told, no matter the length. I’ve edited memoirs and gotten them published for families who want something to leave future generations, as one last gift.
I’m privileged to have worked with funeral directors who have gone above and beyond for families, time and again all because they care so very much about each family. I’m not a rah-rah cockeyed optimist who thinks everyone is perfect, but I’m proud of so many I’ve worked with over the years. I’ve watched people grow in their skills and relocate for one reason or another and I’m as proud of their success because they shine and make the profession great.
I’m not always a first choice, and some are still even uncomfortable with a female officiant, but over time, I’ve found that referrals explain it better than any website words—it’s how you feel when the service is over that is the reason I do what I do here. All our jobs revolve every day about offering comfort, respect, caring, and compassion for the most important times of your life, giving a loved one away from his or her earthly life and saying goodbye.
A Funeral Home is a Business but is a Funeral Business a Home?
Through the 50+ years I’ve studied, enjoyed, worked, and carved out my life here, I’ve been fortunate to know or at least be well acquainted with some of our Brazos Valley funeral business pioneers who created legacies that endure today, albeit with some substantial changes.
As a former member of St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church, I recall the inimitable Marge Hillier. Most Episcopal women are amazing and distinct for setting goals. They’re laser-focused and they work well together. Hillier Funeral Home earned a reputation for excellence and patronage followed, locally and regionally. Relatively few people remember its original location; many among our senior friends recall exactly.
If you knew Memorial Funeral Home back then, you knew Bill and Brenda Zieren. Theirs were the faces you saw, until Jodie Hoyak joined the business and extended the reputation of excellence.
You were doing business with Marge and Russ, Bill, Brenda, Jodie, and ‘not’ the name of the business. Flash back to 1953, when Homer Lacy Callaway Jones and her husband Manley Jones, Sr. relocated to Bryan from Crockett, Texas, and cofounded the business on College Avenue, which occupies the space on which the original building was built.
Why The Change? Why Sell Now?
I don’t know, nor is it my place to ask, but one thing comes to mind. As only children, Cody didn’t have a choice, nor did Mike, before leading the family business, because it was the family business. It’s like being an Osmond brother and saying you don’t feel like performing when the entire family business is built on your voice.
Sometimes, you just “do” because it is expected, directly or indirectly.
Of one thing I’m certain: During his time leading Callaway-Jones, Cody made legendary inroads in the profession, he’s considered a leader of small independent firms.
Cody gave our community a legacy it took 120 years to build, five generations to operate and sustain, and whatever Park Lawn does with it will be their decision and up to their leadership.
Good news: the majority of Park Lawn’s team are young, energetic and forward-thinking creatives seasoned enough in old-school, but who are not stuck in a rut of “but we’ve always done it this way” to prevent positive changes from happening.
Now What?
With the sale to Park Lawn Corporation, what changes will we see? Many of your same friends, neighbors, and family are there, with a few changes that have happened and some still likely to come, same as any business.
Speaking personally, I’m no longer exclusive to Callaway-Jones, for the first time in my career as a celebrant and life tribute writer. It’s a tad strange because I still remember the old oak tree and the family entry to the “old place,” and here we are in 2025 and I’m free to work where I want.
In my almost nine years at Callaway-Jones, so many of you have gifted me with the most treasured opportunities to serve your families. In some cases, I’ve officiated for three or four members of your immediate family, as time has passed. Those relationships that exist because of Callaway-Jones are precious to me.
I Love to Tell the Stories
Other relationships that I have forged in this community through my days as an arts, health, education, and other volunteer remain as equally important. One of my favorite “bookings” came to me 12 years ago (before I was at CJ) and she said, “when my husband and I die, you are writing the tributes!” I said, “that’s fine, I’m honored you’ve asked, but don’t make any fast exit plans. We still need you all too much!” Fortunately, they’re still here.
Other tributes I’ve written are sitting in C-J files for when they are needed because some parents knew they didn’t want to leave those tasks to their children who would be grieving them. I’m still honored to serve anyone who needs me at Callaway-Jones same as usual.
I’m also open to creating some amazing new experiences for life celebrations for those who want them. In November, I teamed with a friend as we organized an amazing event to honor the spouse of a longtime friend at Cadillac Ranch on a day when the skies were blue, the sun was out, and life was remembered, with military honors presented.
Dear friend Patti Wade, who retired as full-time C-J secretary last year to remain their family services ambassador (and part-time grandma) is the keeper of many stories and memories of some of our unique services at Callaway-Jones. Patti convinced some on-the-fence about a celebrant to give it a try, and she shared her personal experiences with those who wondered about how these services flow.
The funeral directors I’ve worked with presently at C-J are extremely caring people who want you to have exactly what you want for your loved ones’ services. We have a flow of communications between us that is virtually seamless and sometimes we’ve had some tremendous surprises (weather, weather, weather) but it always seems to work out. It’s all about teamwork.
The people you see and visit with today at Callaway-Jones are the ones you’ve been working with for some time now. They’re still your contact points, and still will be. The firm is growing a little, so you’ll meet some new friends along the way, too. They’re aware of you, your needs, they care about the details important to you, and they have genuine hearts of service.
After all, you don’t enter this field of work lightly. The gifts of servant’s hearts are in each one of them, no matter their role or task in our “family” conclave. Not all of us are perfect, and yet at the end of the day…we’ve all done our very best. Frankly, you can say that about all firms in town as no one sets out each day to make your life anything but easier during these times. There’s enough choice for you to decide what feels right for you.
I’m planning to continue serving families in celebration of life or in tributes at Callaway-Jones as long as there’s a demand for them, but I’m also an independent vendor now going forward. You can also find me as a writer/editor/book publisher through my cell or on Facebook (or subscribe to my new blog that will be debuting soon).
A Final Thought
Saying goodbye to a family-owned business was probably the hardest decision to make, followed by the signing of the agreements of same. It took courage, but with today’s business environment, uncertainty suggests placing a treasured business in the larger hands of a corporation who is poised for the long-term, steady for the long-haul, and able to operate with strength.
This community has not heard the last of businessman Cody Jones, far from it. Whatever he and his family do next will be received enthusiastically. They remain an integral part of BCS history and business upon which we face the future.
At long last the underground pipe replacement and fiber optic cable placement disasters of 2022-2024 are over. All that remains is for the City of Bryan to restore the once-perfect landscaping that was destroyed under the auspices of city improvement.
As I say often, drop by Callaway-Jones anytime; the coffee is fresh and everything is still there in its rightful place. Patti saw to that. It’s the way the family wanted. And I can’t project voices from the past, but I certainly imagine that the ancestors would all be proud of how Cody maintained, built, expanded, grew, and acquired additional assets to offer as the Callaway-Jones corporation was acquired by Park Lawn.
As Petula Clark Once Sang
It’s a sign of the times, friends. Even my beloved Porter Loring Mortuaries that so many of my loved ones counted on in San Antonio, a four-generation family-owned business since 1918, sold to SCI a few months ago, and still the Loring family will remain integral in the daily operations of the business.
Anyone who knows me well knows I can generally come up with a song that I think fits the occasion. I think I’ve found the one.
For Cody Jones, Chelsea Jones, and Lorene Jones, with love. Thanks to all of you for taking a legend and leaving us all a legacy. The future belongs to others now, and as they say when one sailor leaves the post, “We have the watch. Fair winds and following seas.”
“It’s Hard to Leave” by Judith Durham (Seekers Version)
